Last night Toby was barking in his sleep, which isn't unusual. But he was also growling, so I think he was dreaming about the dryer at the dog groomer's. I got a call today from the moving company and they are coming on Tuesday to get my stuff. There's not much. Three bins of books, dishes, randomness, and clothes. They didn't seem to believe that I don't have any furniture, as they asked three times and then asked if I had certain pieces of furniture. No, I do not have furniture. That includes a couch, bed, ironing board (yeah, I don't get this last one). Ah, the simple life. Free from the burden of possessions.

I went to the travel dept on the base and they said the FAA governs how many pets can be checked in airplane cargo, and that number is five. As I was a flight attendant, I would think I would have heard about such a rule that has been around "like, forever." And since I have plenty of time on my hand, I decided to call Alaska airlines and ask them after I couldn't find that info in my old flight manual or the internet. Yeah, they were no help.

I was sooo dehydrated this morning; no more ramen for me. At least not as long as I like in Alaska; this place dehydrates me enough on its own.

So Gale called and I went the the shop to wash the dogs. Toby is such a good dog....except when he is getting dried. The cute, cuddly, collie becomes satan's spawn. I didn't have him until he was six and his old owner's dumped him at the pound. He was forty pounds overweight, so I wonder if they used to tease him with the hairdryer.

My plans to buy the class B van/RV fell through. The guy who said he would sell it to me changed his mind. But there are more vans in the sea. I am starting to want the vanagon again. I saw a couple in my price range.

So thanks to the awesome AZ, I have struck a deal on a new vehicle. It's not a vanagon, but it's better as it has a bathroom. I am really hoping the guy doesn't back out on the deal before I can pay him. It was 6,000 and its a '95 Dodge Horizon B class RV. So watch out road, here I come (maybe).

I have been going through my stuff and it looks like I can fit everything I need in what I take with me on the plane. I'm going to check a box of kitchen stuff for the van and some sheets. Everything else, I won't need-- curtains, dishes, and some books. I will finally be able to get rid of stuff I don't need and simplify. I feel like stuff just ties me down.

Oh yeah, and this weird thing happened the other morning. Sometimes when I wake up and something is bothering me, it will hit me all at once. Like I had forgotten and then all of a sudden, "crap, I have that thing I have to deal with that I'd rather forget about." Well that happened to me the other morning, but this time, shortly after, I realized that the crappy thing had happened in the book I was reading before I went to bed. How crazy is that? So congratulations Terry Goodkind, for writing such kick ass books that I am briefly in a bad mood in the morning due to plot lines.

Okay, so the civilians are working on my paperwork, so just one more week. For real this time. Today is Festivus, so happy Festivus to all. Let's consider the last entry about my mother part of the "airing of grievances." For my Festivus dinner, I ate what I am declaring the best thing I have ever eaten. If you saw the North Pole edition of Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives, what I ate is the thanksgiving dinner at Country Cafe. Best yams I have ever had. WOW. No wonder I gained weight here in Alaska.

I am getting really excited about starting my vanagon journey. And I have found another blogger who lives in her vanagon and has all kinds of tips on traveling and making money along the way. I have decided that I want the vanagon camper. Here's some info on the different models. http://www.dualport.com/vanagon/data.html

I think the best part about the camper is the bunk bed. That way I can keep stuff away from Toby and his penchant for shedding. I am starting to think I may have to spend 6,000 to get a good one that is clean with a new/rebuilt engine. I have the cash, but I so want to be cheap and limit my spending to 3,000.

So I went and asked about my plane ticket today and how the progress was going with getting the paperwork signed. Hopefully, just a few more days and I will be outta here. I am going in tomorrow at 9 am to see what is going on with it. The guy I went to today to find out about the status of my paperwork was nice and we had a great conversation about life and relationships. We have had a lot of similar experiences.

Some of the vanagons I had my eye on have sold and that is a bummer, but there will be more. I have very basic knowledge about vehicles, so I have been asking a friend to help me out. I am looking for the the place on the graph where quality and price intersect at the lowest point. And by quality I mean basically clean and runs.

I have started on my cannon for dummies book. And I forgot how tiring learning is! The book may be for "dummies" but it is great for learning all about the camera.

I have been talking to my first love online and have decided that he is a very strange person. And the only way I could have cared for him really is that I was young and didn't know what I wanted. I think he is a nice guy, but he definitely lives in his own world.

I have had this part of the entry sitting in the edit phase for a while now as I wasn't sure what all to say--- He said he was sorry how he had left things and he wanted us to be friends. Which is nice. Then he said how he would like us to be together now. Which is weird. He said he knows that really isn't an option, but he wanted to tell me anyway. And it's things relating to that, which I won't go all into, that make me think he lives in his own world. I mean, I haven't even been friends with him for ten years; all he has of me is a memory.

He messaged me and I decided to ask why after ten years he decided to tell me this and he said he has wanted to tell me for the last five years but he didn't want to interfere with my life. I asked how long he has felt like he made a mistake about leaving and he said within a year, but he felt it was too late. And I think that if things are meant to work out, it is never too late. But really, things with me and him weren't meant to work out..

I understand why things never would have worked. I think we were both in love with the idea of love. Which I think can often be a symptom of youthful love. I think he still is in love with being in love. He wants to be with me now but cannot say any reason why he wants to be with me other than the way me being happy would make him feel. I hear that a lot when I ask people why they want to be with me. It's always about how I make them feel or what I do for them; it's never anything specific to who I am. And it doesn't mean that they even try to make me happy. Maybe this is what it means when people say love isn't enough for a successful relationship. That just trying really hard to be in love "just because" doesn't work. It certainly isn't doesn't work for me.

And relationships are the last thing I need to worry about tight now. To quote Definitely Maybe, my "shit is all fucked up."

I have been looking online for a vanagon. Since they army is taking so long in completing the paperwork for me to leave, I have been looking all over the country because if I am going to have to buy my own plane ticket, there is no reason it has to be to Orlando. Especially with how my mother is causing unpleasantness with the whole divorce situation. To sum it up, the process was like this: denial (still emailing Alan when I told her how he was an ass and I was leaving), saying she is supportive and will help, then bailing like usual when I need her to do what she said she would to help me, talking about how the situation will affect her, then going back to trying to be supportive and making promises I know she will back out of, then saying all the wrong things i.e. how things will go wrong and I will fail,the whole time asking the same questions with a patronizing tone when I give the same answers, and the "I'm not getting involved" stage (she says those words). She's at that last stage now.

She called to ask when I was coming to Orlando and I said I was waiting on the military because I didn't want to spend $800 on a ticket if it was going to just be a few more days. She asked if I could just buy a ticket to be there by christmas (which I don't celebrate christmas) and I asked about her helping me out if I bought one. Her response was "that's not my responsibility." She didn't elaborate when I asked her what that meant. I had to go and call her back and when I did she had turned off her phone. I know this is because I am actually standing up to her when she says things like that. I don't especially enjoy spending christmas with her anyway as I am agnostic and she uses this time of year to try to convert me and it usually involves her crying and me being annoyed. And to be honest, I think the reason she liked Alan so much and started being nice to me when I was with him, is that they have a lot in common. And that explains why I let him treat me the way he did. Now I know not to make that mistake again. It really hurts me because I like my mother as a person, but she does not respect me at all and is selfish. I tell her when she hurts me and I get "Oh, I guess this is where I am supposed to say I'm sorry." I really don't want to have a bad relationship with my mother but I don't know what to do other than avoidance of conflict and not telling her how I feel about anything. And I feel like a whiny child when I complain about this stuff, but it does make me feel better at the same time.

With all the realizations I have come to lately, I would sum up that last few years of my life with one exclamation: "D'OH!" LOL

Phone rings.It's a 407 number that I don't recognize, but I answer it anyway.

me- Hello?
her- Who is this?
me- Who are you?
her- Who is this?
me- Who are you? You called me.
her- You just called and texted me from this number.
me- No I didn't.
her- Do you have a son?
me- No. I think you have the wrong number.
her- Is this (says first six numbers of my cell number)
me- (says last four)
her- Oh, I think I have the wrong number.

I SO wanted to ask what that text was that my alleged son sent to what I am assuming is her daughter, based on how pissed she was. LOL.

So I am divorced. Going to court was easy but weird. Considering my relationship with Alan was not easy and weird, things were looking up. So enough of that.

I have been looking on the internet for a new vehicle and I have narrowed my search done to the WV vanagon. Some models even have a expandable roof, table, stove, sink, and fridge. All have at least one area that converts into a bed. This will be great for camping in.