So I went and asked about my plane ticket today and how the progress was going with getting the paperwork signed. Hopefully, just a few more days and I will be outta here. I am going in tomorrow at 9 am to see what is going on with it. The guy I went to today to find out about the status of my paperwork was nice and we had a great conversation about life and relationships. We have had a lot of similar experiences.

Some of the vanagons I had my eye on have sold and that is a bummer, but there will be more. I have very basic knowledge about vehicles, so I have been asking a friend to help me out. I am looking for the the place on the graph where quality and price intersect at the lowest point. And by quality I mean basically clean and runs.

I have started on my cannon for dummies book. And I forgot how tiring learning is! The book may be for "dummies" but it is great for learning all about the camera.

I have been talking to my first love online and have decided that he is a very strange person. And the only way I could have cared for him really is that I was young and didn't know what I wanted. I think he is a nice guy, but he definitely lives in his own world.

I have had this part of the entry sitting in the edit phase for a while now as I wasn't sure what all to say--- He said he was sorry how he had left things and he wanted us to be friends. Which is nice. Then he said how he would like us to be together now. Which is weird. He said he knows that really isn't an option, but he wanted to tell me anyway. And it's things relating to that, which I won't go all into, that make me think he lives in his own world. I mean, I haven't even been friends with him for ten years; all he has of me is a memory.

He messaged me and I decided to ask why after ten years he decided to tell me this and he said he has wanted to tell me for the last five years but he didn't want to interfere with my life. I asked how long he has felt like he made a mistake about leaving and he said within a year, but he felt it was too late. And I think that if things are meant to work out, it is never too late. But really, things with me and him weren't meant to work out..

I understand why things never would have worked. I think we were both in love with the idea of love. Which I think can often be a symptom of youthful love. I think he still is in love with being in love. He wants to be with me now but cannot say any reason why he wants to be with me other than the way me being happy would make him feel. I hear that a lot when I ask people why they want to be with me. It's always about how I make them feel or what I do for them; it's never anything specific to who I am. And it doesn't mean that they even try to make me happy. Maybe this is what it means when people say love isn't enough for a successful relationship. That just trying really hard to be in love "just because" doesn't work. It certainly isn't doesn't work for me.

And relationships are the last thing I need to worry about tight now. To quote Definitely Maybe, my "shit is all fucked up."