I have been looking online for a vanagon. Since they army is taking so long in completing the paperwork for me to leave, I have been looking all over the country because if I am going to have to buy my own plane ticket, there is no reason it has to be to Orlando. Especially with how my mother is causing unpleasantness with the whole divorce situation. To sum it up, the process was like this: denial (still emailing Alan when I told her how he was an ass and I was leaving), saying she is supportive and will help, then bailing like usual when I need her to do what she said she would to help me, talking about how the situation will affect her, then going back to trying to be supportive and making promises I know she will back out of, then saying all the wrong things i.e. how things will go wrong and I will fail,the whole time asking the same questions with a patronizing tone when I give the same answers, and the "I'm not getting involved" stage (she says those words). She's at that last stage now.

She called to ask when I was coming to Orlando and I said I was waiting on the military because I didn't want to spend $800 on a ticket if it was going to just be a few more days. She asked if I could just buy a ticket to be there by christmas (which I don't celebrate christmas) and I asked about her helping me out if I bought one. Her response was "that's not my responsibility." She didn't elaborate when I asked her what that meant. I had to go and call her back and when I did she had turned off her phone. I know this is because I am actually standing up to her when she says things like that. I don't especially enjoy spending christmas with her anyway as I am agnostic and she uses this time of year to try to convert me and it usually involves her crying and me being annoyed. And to be honest, I think the reason she liked Alan so much and started being nice to me when I was with him, is that they have a lot in common. And that explains why I let him treat me the way he did. Now I know not to make that mistake again. It really hurts me because I like my mother as a person, but she does not respect me at all and is selfish. I tell her when she hurts me and I get "Oh, I guess this is where I am supposed to say I'm sorry." I really don't want to have a bad relationship with my mother but I don't know what to do other than avoidance of conflict and not telling her how I feel about anything. And I feel like a whiny child when I complain about this stuff, but it does make me feel better at the same time.

With all the realizations I have come to lately, I would sum up that last few years of my life with one exclamation: "D'OH!" LOL