getting started

So it hasn't been very long since my last post, but I can't sleep thinking about what I want to do next. It seems I often get really excited about new things and then find a way to talk myself out of going for it. Like I should be more responsible and I am almost 30 and I should have a real job by now and a house or something. A small part of me got married because I felt it was something I had to do it to feel accomplished (I'll admit it).

When I was younger... lets say starting at age five and evolving from there as I got older. I pictured myself as an archaeologist living a life somewhere between reality and Indiana Jones. I'm happy with some of the choices I have made so far, but I think there is room for improvement... like getting somewhere near being that archaeologist. And I don't necessarily mean directly going and getting my master's in anthropology, although that is an option. I also would be happy having a really awesome archivist job or working outdoors for the national park system. But that idea I had as the archaeologist isn't just about a career; it's about that sense of adventure and learning new things.

I don't know what happened that led me to deviate so much from that goal other than fear of failure. Like I said, I often talk myself out of doing things I think about. But I have saved up some money... first thinking there would be a wedding, and then to prepare for the divorce.

I had planned on moving to Tampa, Fl thinking it was the most responsible thing to do. I would transfer with my government job and maybe use that to get a better one. Go back to school and save money being frugal and working as a waitress, which was a lucrative job the last time I was in Tampa.

But those plans fell through and I started thinking about how in going to Tampa, I was going to settle again and put off things I wanted and do the responsible thing. I think no matter what I do I will always be a planner at least a little, so I am responsible in that sense. But I am leaning towards the fact that if I go back to Florida thinking as soon as I get settled I will make plans for doing things I want, I am fooling myself. It is just so easy for me to get complacent.

So now here comes the responsible part of me. I know what I want to do, but I need to research the cheapest and safest way to do it.