Yay for Amazon.com because my all my camera stuff came today. Tonight I will charge the battery. I haven't used an SLR on a regular basis in a few years, so I am looking forward to learning all about it. I went to Walmart and got a memory card. I also learned that last year's black Friday at the Fairbanks Walmart included someone getting bit.

So as far as relationships go; I have been thinking about this lately. I was talking to someone I knew in middle school and high school and they said that when you find the one, "you just know." Of all the people I have dated, I really only loved two. One was when I was really young, so it counts but it doesn't. I did love that person, but I didn't really know who I was or what I wanted at that point in my life. And the second person I really thought I "knew." However, they left.

Loving the second person challenged everything I had thought before in that I always thought I would never really love anyone and the first person had been something that just came with being young and not knowing what I really want and having less criteria of what I wanted in a person. But I did love that second person and I still do. I don't think I have ever met someone who is so easy to be around and that being around actually makes me happy. So after they left I wondered if maybe I am not equipped to "know." I mean for once I "knew" with them and they left so what now?

I think the longest I actually wanted to be with someone was one month I stayed longer because I thought I wanted to get married and have kids or I was lonely or I was fooling myself (this is the biggest one) into thinking I could have a good life with them even if it wasn't great because I would never find great. But now I am not lonely and I do not want kids and I never again want to put up with so much unnecessary conflict and unhappiness again just to be with someone I can tolerate for more than a month. If I am going to have someone else around to think about, they better be great.

So there can only be two outcome I see. One- he and I are supposed to be together but it wasn't the right time for us. Two- he and I aren't supposed to be together and I don't know how to "know." These are the weird things I think about. If only I could make money doing this.

Changing the subject, the greatest thing I am looking forward to is going back to the lower 48 and traveling everywhere I have left in the states that I want to go. Although, I will probably not hit all the national parks and that will be a separate trip in itself. I really got excited about that after watching some of that PBS Ken Burns special on the parks. I feel like driving until I can't stand it anymore. I just want to go someplace beautiful, like the grand canyon and watch the sun rise and set. I can't wait to take some great pictures.